A Story of Sir Toblerone

by Natasha Boehm

This ballad is inspired by Geoffrey Chaucer and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I used some Middle English words, to make it sound more like Chaucer's Writings. Here are the word definitions:
Heed - head
covereth - covered
cometh - came
fair - beautiful
hag - an ugly older woman
All other words are Modern English since I am not an expert in middle English.
Comments? Questions? email me at NattyKitty_2000@yahoo.com

A story that I am about to tell
Is about something that you know so well
About grief and happiness and loss
And challenges in which we engross
Ourselves, and this is true.
My thoughts I must now share with you.

On the warmest of the summer nights
Rode through the forest the bravest knight
From heed to toes he was so handsome
But in his soul he was very lonesome.
He came upon a forest clearing
Where he saw two lights brightly gleaming
He cometh closer to investigate
His steed abackened and would wait
On the other side of the spacious lawn.
He was told that he will not long be alone,
But saddened knight dismouted this horse
And walked toward the mysterious glows.
Then when he was closer at three yards,
He saw that it wasn't two bright lights,
These were two monstrous eyes!

The beast was horrible, indeed;
It stood so tall above knight's heed.
A foul smell came from each breath,
One thousand teeth menacing him death.
Eight bristlled legs stuck out ten feet,
And scaily skin covereth his whole git.
He dripped green slime on where he rested
And bones of ones on which he feasted.

The fearless knight pulled out his sword,
Leaped into the dark where beast was sought.
Sharp sword he held high to strike and kill
The knight was trapped in web above his heel
The more he moved the tighter web was getting.
Beast moved on closer to feast on this delicatessen.
The beast came closer his mouth agape.
Fate was waiting for him at the gate.
But our knight has not yet giventh up.
He drew his hand afree and pulled closeup,
Struck his hand throught the beastly heart
And pulled it out onto ground outright.
The beast was pounding, and then he puffed,
And slammed on the ground and passed.

The knight untagled from the trap
Got his sword back in a snap;
And start to walk away to see
If steed was waiting there for he.
He began to depart and he heard singing
Of sweetest voice as water streaming.
And he saw a lady approaching fast,
All dressed in gold, her bosom vast;
Her steed was fair. She rode him right.
She was weeping tears that were contrite.
She spoke severly to the knight,
'You shall die by me here tonight.
You killed my brother. I shall avenge
his death by killing you in range
Of this forest in which he has been left
To die on the ground. Of him I am bereft!
The knight was striken by her beauty.
He spoke sencerly to her, truly:
"Mysterious lady, the wish is yours.
I killed your brother," with much remourse,
"Now you must take my life away.
I understand, but let me sway
Toward, before you do it, do me well
Tell me your name, before the farewell.
So when we meet in heaven or in hell
We can live together in a single shell."
The fair sister replied, in a voice so mean,
"Fair knight, my name is Lady Josephine.
What you call yourself, before you're gone?"
The knight replied - "Sir Toblerone."
He bowed his heaad, ready to take a blow.
There were no emotion that he could show.
But lady Josephine began to like the knight
Sir Tomblerone was of a great might.
He was not tiny in the mind or body.
She could not pass on this oportunity.

Making the decision not to kill him,
She spoke words that could sound dim
To the ones who never heard of bravery
Now they sounded sweet and savory.
He was struck with love for Lady Jopsephine
And he would do anything for her.
"I now would have you do a task for me:
To find me a red rose shrubbery,
Right in the middle of the winter.
The days will pass but it must not wither.
The shrubbery should be alive and green
And better than the ones I have ever seen.
Now go along oh gentil knight
We will meet again in winter night."

Then set off this knight on his travel
To find a shrub at which he can marvel.
But all he found were not evergreen
Although they were the finest of the green.
The harvest days long had passed
And rose bush long had lost its buds.
The knight grew desperate and sad,
When he came upon the loathesome hag.
The hag speaks, "Dear, sir,
Why you look so lonesome? Furthermore
I might have just what you need."
And she pulls out a bag full of seed.
"Plant one of these, and you'll have soon
A finest rosebush that will bloom.
Red roses all throughout the cold
But these rules you must be told.
The only way you can keep this shrubbery alive,
Is if you think of love for me all day and night.
If for one chance you want to doubt it,
The shub will die and you must quit.
Because you never will be able
To grow another, you future will be a shambles"
Sir Toblerone was greatly challenged.
The hag was awful and malnourished.
She had no teeth, no hair, grey chin.
He bosom dagled in between
Her legs. She was not the one he would prefer.
He could not think of how to love her.
But he told the truth to the old lady:
"With much respect, but I am not ready
For love that you want from me.
I now must go, so let me be.
I'll face my fate and I must die."
The hag answered, "Sir Toblerone,
You are not the knight that I have known.
You mustn't think of what you see,
But think of what is inside of me."
The knight thought hard and along he went
To keep the hag as his close friend.
The hag gripped firmly bu his wrist,
And Lo, together have they kissed.
He spend the whole month with the hag.
The shbub grew steady and did not lag.
Red roses bloomed so bright
That they lit the room in the middle of the night.
The Knight learned to love the hag for more than just
Her sweet intentions and her lust.

The time has come fo our knight to take the bush
To his fair lady in the woods.
He came upon a clearing in the forrest
Where moths ago he killed the brother.
The fair lady rode in fast.
Her skin so white as snow outside.
Her golden locks covereth her bare bosom.
Her lips were smiling like spring blosson.
Oh, and so tempted was sir Toblerone!
The beaty of Josephine made him be gone
Out of this world, but he awoke and took out
The red rose shrub for Josephine to marvel at.
"That is the fairest shrub I have ever seen.
It's certainly the keenest of the keen.
The rosy passions make me blush.
You deserve reward for giving me this lush.
I'll be yours forever, Sir Tomblerone,
And now, you'll never be alone!"
The knight's heart lighntened so brightly,
He wanted her, to kiss her lustily.
But then he thought of the old hag
Who awaited him home in the old drag.
He thought of times they spent together
And all the thing she taught him forever.
With strong firm word he aswered,
"Josephine, you are the one I admired.
But I have love waiting for me at home,
And I will never be alone."
He spoke these words, and Josephine disappeard.
He was left with shrub that was burning.
He returned home early in the morning.
The shrub was set in a warm corner
Still burning a passion of a lover.
And as he stepped into his bedroom
His saw not a hag, but Josephine.
Sitting on his bed bare as sweetest sin.
"Sit Tomblerone," she spokle to him
"I am the one with whom you have been
In love. I am the elderly faul hag.
I was wearing that old drag
To see if you could find the love
Within more than beauty and above.
For I will stay this beatiful forever.
For you have proven your devotion.
So lets embrace in lusty passion!"

Many more winters came and went
Sir Tomblerone and Josephine
Lived in Love and harmony
For the rest of history.